Sport: The Genius Of Panenka & Calvente

It was astonishing, bewildering, some would even say downright stupid. Even now, you can bet your house and your parents’ one too, the Panenka is being talked about somewhere right in the world at this very moment. It was the 20^th of June 1976, the final of the European Championships was being played out under enormous tension in impoverished, communist Yugoslavia. Czechoslovakia, having beaten Johann Cryuff’s Netherlands 3-1 in the semi final 4 days previous, had thrown away an early 2-goal lead against tournament favourites West Germany. Though the momentum had firmly swung towards Helmut Schön’s men, the Czechoslovakians matched their counterparts man-for-man, stride-for-stride. After 90 minutes, it was 2-2. After 120, still no change. The championship would be decided on penalties.

Penalty shootouts are the most vocally reviled, yes secretly adored part of association football. When a game is determined by 10 kicks of the ball in a deathmatch between striker and keeper, the watching world will become transfixed. The audience will shout, cry, scream and flop to the floor as the agony of seeing composed adults momentarily lose all their nerve, technique, and bottle becomes too much to bear. Czechoslovakia had taken the lead 4-3 before current Bayern Munich president Uli Hoeness sent his shot into the evening sky over the bar. Antonin Panenka stepped up, knowing that scoring would give his team, the tournament outsiders, the first title in their nation’s history. What happened next was an unprecedented display of arrogance, style and, above all else, bottle.

The sheer confidence exhibited by the midfielder to execute a penalty of such sublime audacity was enough to make the watching crowd press their hands against their heads to contain the inevitable bits of brain matter spewing all around the Crvena Zvezda stadium. No one had taken a penalty like that before. To debut it on one of the biggest stages in world football was as remarkable as it was ludicrous. In a game that had been more or less unchanged in over half a century, seeing something so new and radical was like receiving the greatest loyalty card bonus in history – getting free accommodation in the Hilton for life because every so often you stop into the hotel bar for a lunchtime basket of chips, or being given a villa in Labadee because you bought a Wyclef Jean record. Many names throughout history are forever associated with/mocked for missing penalties (Baggio, Stam, Beckham, Adam, Ramos, even Messi and Ronaldo this year), but only one name remains synonymous with scoring one.

Until July 24^th 2010, that is. Ezequiel Calvente once again innovated and radicalized the penalty kick with a method that was perhaps less like the ‘Panenka’ and more akin to Kevin Pietersen’s switch hit move in cricket. The young Spaniard picked up the ball against Italy after a foul in the box and placed it on the spot. The ‘Calvente’ run-up disguises the hidden beauty of the taker’s intentions. Hitting the ball with the standing leg is no accident, poor Nicola Leali in the Italian goal had no idea what had just happened. It takes real skill to put the ball in the net like that and not fall and break your tail bone doing it. At first you look and think ‘so what?’. Then, after a second look, the viewer would feel their brain shifting gears without the clutch. It looks like a clipping error, a glitch in the matrix. In fact, it was history.

It would be a disservice to the art of the penalty by not mentioning the late Theyab Awana’s cheeky backheel spot kick against Lebanon. But rather than the thought and time that was put into Panenka and Calvente’s moves, I can’t shake the thought that he was just trying to be a jerk. He was fined by the UAE FA afterwards for being "disrespectful toward his opponents".

Moral Turpitude

Are we all still out there? Good.

Ched Evans:

This week you may or may not have heard something about Welsh footballer Ched Evans, convicted of rape and sentenced to five years imprisonment after having had sex with a teenager who a jury had ruled was not in any condition to consent. This is unarguably rape and he needs to serve his time.

What is more disturbing is that so many people don't see what he did was absolutely wrong - many petrified by their own experiences of drunken sex and one-night standery immediately set thousands thinking this could happen to me and jumped to his defence, portraying the victimised girl as all manner of things which will not be repeated here ( that's what Twitter is for). A more accurate example of what happened in Rhyl last year would be you drunkenly sleeping with someone, another person showing up as you sleep and molesting you.

Marlon King:

Marlon King is a nasty piece of work. 14 convictions, jailed twice, once for sexually assaulting a woman who had rejected his advances, beating her and allegedly shouting: "Don't you know who I am? I'm a multi millionaire! You're not even in my league!". Wigan restored so much faith in football's integrity by sacking the player immediately after his conviction. Within two months of his release, he was signed by Coventry City, and became their top scorer, as well as the team's player of the season. King currently plays for Birmingham City.

An announcement about Evans' employment with Sheffield United is imminent. It is certain The Blades will see fit to terminate his contract, and it's equally certain he will be signed by another club upon his expected release in 2 years for good behaviour, though plenty of things may be considered 'good behaviour' compared to rape, for example: arson, blackmail and puppy-drowning.

PFA Team Of The Year:

And then there's the thinking behind Ched Evans' selection in the PFA (Players Football Association) League One Team Of The Year last night. Evans had a great season for Sheffield United, scoring 35 goals in 42 matches is hugely impressive, and the voting for this event had taken place long before his judgement. The PFA decided to retain Evans' position on the team, despite the conviction, on the basis that they were concerned with how he played on the pitch, and they felt a change in the awards would have represented the manipulation of a democratic vote, however logical it may seem.

The moral dilemma of whether or not to compromise a group's values by the expulsion of a man who is drowning in immorality is one that has not been undertaken lightly. Even if I disagree, the PFA, Gordon Taylor and Clarke Carlisle are to be admired for their dedication to the integrity of their institution. The very same men stood against King, who slandered them for not supporting a convicted criminal, and they will act likewise for Evans when his appeal is (presumably) dismissed. Though in this case, I feel they have maybe not given enough credit to the severity of what has happened. Could they justify retaining ex-Brazil hopeful Bruno, if he was in England and had been on the list prior to his conviction? Perhaps integrity has not best been served by inaction.

Extra reading:

Twitter reaction to Ched Evans case shows rape culture is alive and kicking (Guardian)

Shola Ameobi In The Players Lounge

Presumably before it burned down

notRuairi's Copa America XI

Should anyone out there be asking

Last One Out, Please Close The Door Behind You

Anton Hysén, the son of former Liverpool defender and Swedish international Glenn Hysén, is currently walking very much alone. This month, the left-sided midfielder came out as Sweden's first openly gay male footballer. He is only the second high-level footballer to come out in the world, ever. The first, Justin Fashanu, revealed he was gay in 1990, found himself shunned by the footballing world, including his brother, John, and hanged himself eight years later.

Source

In one paragraph the reality of declaring oneself to be gay in almost all walks of life is very vividly defined. In some places, people expect you to be gay. Some actors are going to be gay. Some politicians are going to be gay. Some scientists are going to be gay. Some authors are going to be gay. Some of your old classmates are gay. It follows that some footballers are going to be gay. Italy regularly celebrates its footballers who are gay icons (even if most of whom, it can be reasonably assumed, are not gay). In most places in the world it is finally totally acceptable to be homosexual, and Sweden is particularly modern when it comes to this concept. In others you will find quite the opposite situation, and homosexual acts and declarations are punishable offences (we're looking at you especially, Africa and The Middle East).

Yet somewhere as painfully first-world as England cannot seem to get its head around the fact that its sportsmen might be so-inclined. The understood "Home Of Football" should be the standard bearer for equal rights, new policies and openness. The FA scrapped a campaign against anti-homosexuality in the sport, because no footballers would back it publicly. Is this the fault of the Football Association for failing to provide strong support for (statistically) probably 10% of its employees? Or maybe the government for lacking any initiative on the matter? Or perhaps the parents for telling their kids it's not alright, forever inserting a knife of fear in the back of a child that can never be removed? If, as the article suggested, the son of tough-tackling, leg-over, affair-guzzling England International and Chelsea Captain John Terry came out in the future, the country would herald it as the greatest tragedy since Diana crashed. The Royal Wedding would be cancelled. Remembrance Day would be forgot. Why, exactly? Why indeed.

There are still gay-beatings and there will be for quite some time in the future, but can anyone who would like to consider themselves morally decent actually stand by the perpetrators of such a crime? Hating a person because of who they are and not what they do? These folk are not uncommon, but are to be found in the deepest trough of humanity's failures. They are grossly outnumbered by the millions who, for better or worse, could not give a damn whether you like men or women. There's already a "Kick Racism Out Of Football" campaign that has been slowly working its way to success for almost two decades. Why not amend it to "Kick Discrimination Out Of Football"? If FIFA is bringing the World Cup to Russia and Qatar in order to impact the issues of race and sexuality directly, and bring some compassion to the regions, then it's a gambit that I hope pays off. There's no other sensible reason to have the biggest event in the World there. But that's another post for another day.

We should live in a world where Anton Hysén is not getting any more praise for coming out than your non-famous gay mate for when s/he did. Even better, it should be a non-event. In case anyone can't tap into the empathy required to see the total wrongness of the intolerance active here, copy this post into a word processor, press Ctrl + H and swap every instance of the words 'gay' and 'black' and try and convince yourself that it reads better. The world adores Didier Drogba for being an awesome footballer. For being a peacemaker. Not for him being both a footballer and black. That's just part of who he is.

Call Yourself A Fan?

Incredible scenes in Brazil as adverse weather conditions may not have resulted in the match between Sao Paolo and Palmeiras being called off, maybe because the crowd were having too much damn fun. I'd talk more, but pictures really do say a thousand words.

Kicking The Owl

Unfortunate and accidental acts of violence against winged animals in sport have long been documented and guilt-inducingly hilarious. From Lucas Neill killing a magpie during an international friendly with a fortuitously accurate pass to Goran Ivanisevic's unintentional bludgeoning of a low-flying fluff machine. Despite laughs from the crowd, our Croatian buddy doesn't find it as funny as it is in slow motion.

With the Colombian Apertura underway, Atlético Junior were playing (and beating) Pereira when a passage of play near the corner flag resulted in a very unaware owl, who happened to be sitting on the pitch, being upended by the ball. The owl is upside down and confused, but visibly alright until Panamanian footballer Luis Moreno quite senselessly and horrifyingly jogs over and hoofs the down-on-his-luck avian with his right peg. Though the owl's current condition is unknown* (presumably not good) the video is honestly shocking and those of sensitive disposition are advised to take the previous paragraph as the full narrative of what happened and not watch.

The unwell-wishing has started and already there are those who hope for an unlikely scenario where Sr. Moreno may yet end up covered in mixed seeds, in a room with thousands of hungry parrots. Regardless of the PETA-bollocking that's sure to follow (when they're not completely wasting their charitably-donated resources), I personally wait with crossed fingers for the term Kicking The Owl to enter the lexicon as the moment in someone's life when they stupidly, unforgivably and unreservedly f*cked up.

*The owl died 2 days after this post was initially submitted, despite the best efforts of local vets. Luis Moreno received a lengthy ban and was required to pay upwards of $100,000 to animal charities.

Youtube Consensus Of Gennaro Ivan Gattuso

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